Merry something!

(Last Thursday)
So today was our ‘graduation’ ceremony. We finished up teaching our respective classes, and handed out certificates to those that attended. All in all, our four-day workshop was an astounding success. Everyone who I spoke to loved “The Science behind HIV,” and commented that it was one of the most interesting and informative workshops they have ever attended. I’m feeling pretty good. I was even asked to redo the entire lecture to our language trainers in Okahandja. Granted, there were several people that either couldn’t believe or accept the current hypothesis that HIV originated from Chimpanzees…but you can’t win them all, Hasselhoff.

There were six sessions given by the 13 volunteers stationed here in Tsumeb. Figure that at two people per group. They included the Science Behind HIV, The Truth of STD’s, Condom Use and Demonstration, Stigma and Discrimination, Making Good Life Choices, and Alcohol Abuse. Now that we’ve finished with the workshop, we’re all enjoying coming together and sharing our favorite questions and comments made throughout. Feel free to admonish us all you want, but some of them really were worth sharing. Disclaimer: Some of the following lines may be a bit graphic for some of our younger readers. Andy, turn the monitor around. Ok, I’ll give one example, regarding HIV: “If I have an open cut on my arm, and someone ejaculates on it, can I get infected?” Certainly an interesting way to go about it, I suppose. I also think the rather young girl asking if she could get pregnant from swallowing during oral sex gets an honorable mention. Take notice of how the statement was asked. If she could - Not, if anyone could.

Ok, I think that may be enough for now – Andy, its safe to turn the monitor back around now.

I’m just amazed that we could all keep straight faces throughout these sessions, with talking about penises and vaginas and what-not. Not one person had to say alternative names for any of these dirty words at all (No banjingos or she-shwas here, folks.) But keep in mind this also is coming from the group of individuals that began convulsing into hysterics when Obie said he, “had to tap” the watermelon to see if it was ripe. Oh, and tap that, he did. This isn’t mentioning how funny “biltong” can be pronounced. Nothing dirty – just makes you laugh. And in the pants-wetting-laugh-kinda-way.

Most of us are in our mid-twenties. Obie is in his early thirties. I love this place.

At time of writing, there are only 5 days until Christmas. What the hell? It’s somewhat difficult to imagine the Christmas season, when you’re sitting under a mosquito net with Victoria Falls flowing down your back. It must be like an obnoxious weekend in Florida – everyone displaying beautiful second degree sunburns, while listening to Christmas Carols and Jingles at the line at Pick-‘n-Pay. I still have no idea why they sing Frosty the Snowman. When one of the neighboring girls asked what snow was like, I felt obligated as a global volunteer to help her better understand what American experiences are like. Accordingly, I went inside and scrapped frost off the kudu head in the freezer, condensed it into a ball, and threw it at her.
I don’t think she has a strong appreciation of American Culture…Yet. Maybe I should acquire one of those huge inflatable lawn ornaments?

*As a side note for those of you that don’t know, Mangos and their skin contain a substance which resembles the active ingredient in poison ivy. Many people that have a heightened sensitivity to poison ivy can develop similar symptoms upon consumption of said fruit. We actually have a volunteer here that cannot be in the same room without someone that’s recently eaten one – hives, rashes, she breaks into it all. All of that being said, the skin around my eyes is getting puffy, itchy, and irritated. I think that’s what I get for eating up to 8 mangos a day…before lunch. I think it’s time that I take it easy.

(Oh, and Andy – you can drink the tap water. As for the conditions of septic tanks and latrines and the like – well, let me put it this way: I’ve had to get vaccines for typhoid, cholera, and dysentery. You make the call.)

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If you haven’t figured it out by now, each one of these segmented headings denotes a different day of typing, another train of thought ran aground. Unfortunately I do not have daily access to the internet as I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now – so once again here we are, two days until Christmas.

And I can assert I couldn’t feel any farther from the Christmas spirit. It could be the 95+ degree heat, it could be the language classes pushing into Christmas Eve, or it could be the organization already threatening to remove people from the program. Regardless, I haven’t figured it out, but it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve determined that you really don’t know what Christmas is like with your family, until that option becomes completely unavailable. I’ve celebrated this holiday with all available members of my family my entire life. Hell, in college I even brought some home to add to the mix. Namibia is different. Obviously. It feels as if there’s barely any holiday spirit (if any at all.) We volunteers have begun to sing Christmas carols to lighten our mood, but somehow it only reinforces the fact that: a) we’re alone, b) we’re away from everyone we’ve ever known and cared about, and that, c) we’re alone. Having locals ask who Rudolph is becoming somewhat disheartening.

I think I’m taking it better than some thus far – I’m not crying myself to sleep or dreaming of tinsel dreams and gummidrops. Of course, it may have to do with the fact that I’ve been listening to my recordings of John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together. Say what you want – there’s nothing like the Muppets singing Christmas carols to instantly make me feel much better, and to bring me back memories from throughout my youth. “…and don’t worry, we’re going to catch them red-handed!” – “What colors are their hands now?” – Classic. If only I had a recording now of Animal singing “Silent Night.” Perfect.

Muppets aside, Christmas just isn’t Christmas without family, food, or snow. Hell, I’d take two out of three.

I hope you all receive what you requested for the holidays. Happy Holidays Everyone!
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September 24th, 9:00pm – Namibian Standard Time. From here on out, I write without a script. (I was so excited for that, completely by chance, I swear…kinda ironic statement, but what the hell. Perfect moment)

Christmas Eve, slowly ebbing into the dawn that is Christmas Day.

I really wish I could write here. About something - anything. Turns out Christmas Eve isn’t all that big in Namibia. We ended up eating dinner around the television, watching year old Spanish soap operas that have been dubbed into English. (Thank Heavens for small favors, I guess.) For the first real time since I arrived, Christmas has made me feel alone. We were scattered once dinner was consumed, and I found myself alone outside just watching the sky. Really unremarkable, actually. Just a sad realization that if I were home right about now, my family would all still be nitpicking on fruit, pastries, and coffee while I hogged the fennel on the corner of the table. I want my fennel, dammit!

I’m not writing this to sound depressing - just stating that I’m thinking of home. There is an actual fantastic reason to be happy right now. Today, on Christmas Eve, and completely unexpectedly, I received 4 letters, from four different people. I got letters today from Karen, Amy S, Amanda, and Karen’s mother. Holy Crap, did those letters save me from this holiday. It really is true, you live and breathe in anticipation of letters. Many emotions were felt, so all I’m going to say, “Way to make me tear, guys. Thanks.” You guys saved my holiday.

Oh, and everyone congratulate Amanda on getting into Grad school. If someone could do me a favor, and lightly pat her fanny in a fatherly/un-fatherly way and let her know how proud of her I am, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks. Oh, and as long as we’re congratulating people, here’s a shout-out to my old roommate along with all the other Gburg-ers on finishing Finals, as well as my brother. C’mon, you guys know you did fine. You don’t need me to tell you that. It’s all good.

I‘m going to go back to John Denver and Kermit dueting. Happy holidays everyone!

Sorry it took so long to get to posting. You wouldn't believe how difficult its been...