I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...

I’ve been putting off writing only for the reason that it becomes trying on the mind to have to discuss things one would rather not. Much has happened in the past month. Not so much regarding the day-to-day nuances that make up whatever we have here that we call our homely Peace Corps experiences, but more so regarding the subtle thoughts and insights we’re granted to. And because many of you (Including yes, Rob and Andy) who have asked repeatedly regarding personal discoveries and daily emotional musings, we’ll start there. Forgive me if it seems to train-of-thought and jumping around. That’s just me, and there’s plenty here that I’ve needed to get off my chest.

First and foremost, let me congratulate my country on our new president elect. Obviously we know that his upcoming presidency will not be easy. A collapsing economy, crumbling foreign relations, consistent failings in educational standards set for science and mathematics, and a healthcare system that leaves 40 million Americans behind. But I look forward to the day when I get to tell my grandchildren where I was when the first black president was elected. I get to tell my children about the sexism and racial problems that still exist in America, and point out that they can be and have been overcome. I’m proud of the progress that our country has made in under a century. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Yes we can, indeed.

In reading Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States,” I find myself for the first time interested in the pursuit of American History. I’ve always viewed our history with an awkward eye and an apathetic view. We study history to be able to acknowledge how we came to the present course of existence and to avoid the potholes on the road of time that those before us trekked (at least to my own bored attitude - I’d rather be in chemistry blowing crap up.) Unfortunately, I assumed (and still partially believe… ) that we’re just generally too stupid to be able to recognize previous errors in time to avoid current ones. When we do successfully accomplish that, we then even the score once again by committing new mistakes by which humanity has never seen the likes of before.

But I will admit to learning new things, and gaining perspectives previously thought useless, at the most, boring. Seeing the American system that I grew up in, and understanding how (and more importantly – why) such a system was created completely astonishes me. Although I imagine that could have something to do with the fact that the only countries I’ve seen in my lifetime actually institute new systems of government from scratch are those involved in the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. The Constitution, the BoR, and the Declaration of Independence are all truly, truly amazing. And yes, now I know that all my Gburg history friends will smile and or pounce on me, but at least I understand a little bit better now.

But this topic kind of jumps into the next one, something that’s been bothering me quite a bit recently and therefore I feel compelled to get this off my chest, once.

Let’s face it – If you’re reading this, then the probability is highly stacked in your favor that life is (relatively) simple and easy. In discussion with Peace Corps volunteers, you often forget that the whole world and everyone you’ve known isn’t going through the same personal growth and experiences you are. Ergo the outlook changes. I’ve wisely refrained from commenting on facebook status simply because I have to refrain for my own sanity and the preservation of friendships. I’ll make it clear, and let me say again – I feel as if I have to say this, at least so I can say that I DID say it. It’ll make me feel better. And if you get guilt complexes easily….stop reading.

So here: Your life is better than you can imagine. MUCH better. So if grad school is hard, or you’re trying to find an apartment that comes utilities included, or you’re not sure if she’s into you, or really into you, just remember that I’ve refrained from calling you up and reminding you how difficult life can be. I do not want to sound arrogant, but I’m sorry – if the biggest problem in your life is trying to write a 24 page paper in two days, I will introduce you to a friend that hasn’t had a home or a job in 3 years because he can’t afford decent clothing to work in. Really. And he’s a nice guy. If you’re obsessing over a relationship, I can introduce you to a woman I’ve met with 4 kids. She’s a single mother, and HIV+.

There’s nothing can that blunt the mental blow of realizing that these 4 kids will be orphaned in less than five years. Sorry, but no. There’s nothing. At 13, my biggest familial responsibility probably was to cook dinner for my brother once in a while. And even then, that was at the most what, twice a month? I just had to make sure that I was doing well in school and be sure to call if I had to stay at school late. I’ll make it clear: in Namibia we have what are called child-headed households. These are homes where the parents have either left or died leaving nothing but children, forcing the oldest to work and take care of their younger siblings. Imagine being 13, and having to take care of five younger siblings. There’s nothing you can do to ignore this. And there’s nothing you can do to NOT see it. You don’t know how lucky you are. Said to me by a fellow PCV in confidence, “I now thank God that I’m white, male, and born in America.” This takes me into my next rant, which combines unbearable anger with debilitating depression.

Globally, there are aspects of this world that despite our best efforts that will always remain with us. What positively drives me mad is knowing that it doesn’t HAVE to be. I now read books about global epidemics, poverty, economic reform and social problems and realize that the world doesn’t HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. That these problems are fixable – that the fates of those millions that are hungry, illiterate, homeless, and sickly need not be so. I read books like “Mountains Beyond Mountains,” by Paul Farmer, \ “The End of Poverty,” by Jeffrey Sachs, and “The Invisible Cure: Why We’re Losing the War on AIDS in Africa,” by Helen Epstein and end up cursing the clouds asking why we’re not attempting to fix these on a massive scale. And then of course my thoughts shift to the big pharmaceutical companies. To the international banking communities that don’t give enough aid for political games. To the corrupted officials and policy makers that plague both the government and aid agencies of the developing world, and the developed. To the individuals that say “What can I possibly do?” or “Why bother?” grumble grumble grumble.

You can ignore all this. Like I said, I just need to rant. Or take a whiffleball bat to international politics. Damn. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, hope you all had a nice holiday.

Something to break the silence.

So we’re in the 11th hour. Or month as it turns out. I’ve been in Africa just shy of a year thus far. Eleven and a half months. Now let me check on my “PCV Life Cycle,” to see where I should weigh in, emotionally. Let’s see….”Impatience with self, program” Check. “Blame on program.” Check. “Constant Complaining” Almost. “Lethargy” mwhahaha! Next question! “Haughtiness with new trainers via super identification” …nah. So we’re good. I’m not totally wanting to quit and come home yet, so we’re doing good.

I can’t believe how quickly the months have gone. Sure, community training and language training seemed like a damn eternity…but the last 9 months flew right by…Kind of hard to believe I had friends that graduated, some married, some to grad school…all in the time since I’ve been here. It’s unbelievable how quickly your lives move compared to mine. Maybe I’m having too much skin contact with the fertilizer and its causing temporal distortions in my brain.

Work proceeds as fast as grass growing. Today I was actually busy starting planters of oregano, basil, spinach, lettuce, leek, cucumber, and parsley. I have two trays of basil almost ready for transplanting too that have begun giving off their aroma – smells like mozzarella. Very excited about those. It is also good to note that the one currently operational garden has not died yet. 15 spinach plants, 10 lettuce still alive. So points for me on a working project I’m basically winging.

I’m finding the hardest part about this journal is finding stuff worth discussing and talking about. It’s just that life is so slow here. Weeks go by with nothing new to report or stories to tell. It’s bizarre that its really an absence of everything, good or bad. Nothing good to talk about, nothing bad to discuss. Although I am appreciating the lack of drama here…

I think I’m becoming emotionally constipated – the inability to play music I has been grating on my psyche for a while. My guitar skills haven’t been improving with more practice, I just suck at playing more songs. I get frustrated more often than getting relaxed. I need a piano. damn. I was never really a writer…maybe I’ll stick with yoga.

Summer’s here. Already we’re hitting 80 degree weather. Oh, and I sent in my absentee ballot last week! I’m not going to tell you who I voted for, I’d rather let you guess.

I’ll try harder to find things to write about. Promise.Happy October. Hope the pumpkins are coming in.

Well, here we go, the first real update I’m attempting from my room via The wonders of technology. And this first real-time post is dedicated to a certain Mr. Axel Kargler, who was amazing enough to send me one of the best books I’ve ever read. The Silmarillion – read it, if you’re into fantasy, and have enough time on your hands. The reason why this is post is for him, is that he asked several questions ages ago in his letter about me and Africa, so I thought I’d post them here for all to read. Thanks again Axel.

.How Much German is spoken in Namibia? Quite a bit actually, since its still shaking off the remnants of turn-of-the-century colonialism, it isn’t uncommon at all to find someone that speaks German. While Afrikaans is the usual language of choice, it isn’t difficult to find those that understand the high influx of German tourists.

.What are your standard meals? Anything exotic? Realistically, I mostly eat fruits and veggies, and peanut butter. The first two because I always did and they’re my favorite, and the PB because its cheap, and a good source of protein. Every now and then when I’m at a party or braai (BBQ,) I’ll get to eat Kudu, Oryx, Impala, or some other kind of antelope. There’s one specialty called “Smilies,” which you need to visit for. So you decapitate a goat, and boil the head. The way the skin pulls back gives it a huge grin. Hence, it smiles. :)

.How are people responding to your lessons on AIDS? I seem to be getting good receptions. Since I’m telling and teaching people stuff they haven’t heard before, I usually hold everyone’s attention. I think it also helps that I’m not a Catholic AIDS worker telling them to stop having sex. Cause really, wtf?

.What else do you do besides that? Hydroponic gardening. Check out the last big post.

. How do people treat you in general? For my sake, I’m treated very well. For many of my friends, they are the only white people around – and for some, the first white person they’ve seen. But since I’m in a fairly well built and established town, I’m not that much of a celebrity. Just a normal person. Which is a very good thing. Very good.

. Who would win in a fight, hippo or rhino? Hippo. If you don’t believe me, try getting near one. Maybe the rhino though, if it had a uzzi...i instantly thought about the Calvin and Hobbes about the Trex flying around in an F14

. When did you get this package? I got this package about 3 weeks after you sent it. But since its been a month since, I suck at getting online when I can. But not now!!!

.How much access do you have to AC, water, and the like? My home has water and electricity (no hot water…yet.) and since I work for the Ministry of Youth, my office has AC. But as I said, I’m fortunate. I have friends that poop in a bucket. Or outside.

.What is Usakos like, is it a village? I think its classified as a town. Its about 3-4thousand people, paved roads, electricity, and water available. About average for Namibian standards, and not a bad place to call home.

.Who is the better hunter, Muldoon from Jurassic Park, or Locke from Lost? Muldoon, cause he hunted dinosaurs… even though that ate him…and he never got lost. Locke got lost.

And like your letter Axel, I didn’t edit this at all. It too is a “rather stream of conscious-y.” Also, thanks for sending a copy of your sermon, I loved it. Keep me posted on your writing.

Cheers,
n

We need Bill Cosby here

Ta da! New post! Dont get too excited...turns out this is kinda expensive.

But regardless, heres a quick update on my life. I no longer have a Peace Corps roommate. Long story made incredibly short, Ian decided to end his PC experience. It's a shame, but it is what it is. In other news, I've got an extra bedroom to rent, if you would like to have an African experience, or if you need a place to retreat to if the Maverick wins the election.

I've got one hydroponic table up and running, with 15 spinach and 10 lettuce seedlings planted. Lets see if they survive.

And now for a touch of humor, these are Namibian learners (students) that say the darndest things to fellow PCVs...

Submitted from Leah, a physical science teacher:
On a science test she asked what a Sphincter is. His answer: "A mythical creature with the body of a lion and the head of a man." Nice

and from Eric:
"Describe 4 ways to reduce stress." An Answer from an seventh grader: "1) Have sex 2) Beat children 3) Chew gum, and 4) smoke cigarettes."

---------------
That about does it for today. Hope all is well in America. Go Obama!

oh, and a very Happy Birthday to Nicole. I was going to send you a present, but my elephant ate it. His name is Stampy.

So this is a test post. Since lappy is back and online, i've decided to purchase a bluetooth transmitter. So I'm currently in my room, typing to see if this works. Basically, I type into my comp, and it goes through my connected cellphone to get to the internet. Someone send me an email at my gmail account to let me know if this works. If it does, then I can update again, from anywhere at anytime.

;) Cheers

Finally.

Well, it certainly has been a long time, hasn’t it? And to those that haven’t figured it out – I’ve lost internet connection in my town. So now its only in conditions like this – when I’m forced to travel to neighboring cities – where I have the time and the facilities to update my progress for all you wonderful supporters.

Before we get underway – there are many thanks to go around before I forget. First to Stu, for sending a kings ransom in movies fitted for my ipod. Now when my computer cord gets here… I know that was overdue! But you don’t call and I don’t have internet! Now for Shannon & Mic, MamaBear & Andrew, and Kristen – for the various edibles, books, and updates on life in general. It’s the little things that get me through the day. Really. And of course Karen, not just for the 2 seasons of Heroes, 4 of Mythbusters, every season of Rockos Modern Life, and so far over 20+ movies, but for well…you get it.

In a nutshell, life has picked up. It’s only taken close to 10 months, but I’m discovering my niche in the tiny town of Usakos (as well as outside.) My hydroponics project has started and is underway…just waiting for my first batch of lettuce and spinach seeds to get large enough for transplanting. I spent a week a while back in arandis attending a workshop hosted by a fellow PCVs roommate. Not only did I learn, I also got to teach on occasion. Fantastic. Pictures Included! Holla!

Here’s me instructing and helping building a hydroponic flat. You’ll notice the very suave and sexy lavender bandana. That’s me – bringing an incredible sense of fashion to the desert. Only beaten by the awesome old man wearing the bike helmet. The only reason I’m wearing a sweatshirt is because it was early in the morning, like 8. Ten minutes later I was sweating without it.

Like now! Btw, both adults in this picture are over 60. They just wanted to help, to learn something new, and were looking for something to do at home. Fantastic.

The eventual Final product. I wish I could have this. In the far back we have spring onion and leek, and up front we have lettuce, spinach, carrots, and tomatoes in the upper right.

Oh, and for fun, meet Puppy.

He’s a desert spider I found while CRAWLING UP MY DAMN LEG while cooking dinner. For your information, he can almost fit fully in the palm of your hand. Maybe 4 inches long? And he’s got teeth. Karen corrected me and called them Fangs. After I calmed down, changed my underpants, and caught him – Natalie and I spent the rest of the night feeding him cockroaches. It was disgustingly awesome. I think he’s tied up in the front of Natalie’s house, but he may have or not already chewed through his chain.

And here are some local girls around Natalie’s that decided my hair was the coolest thing they’ve ever seen and wanted to play with it. No joke, I sat like this for about an hour. The beauty is that none of you have any real idea how long my hair is now. If my mother saw it, she’d probably set fire to it. It took about 20 min to comb the ensuing tangles out.

Apart from the hydroponic project, as I mentioned last time, I began teaching. Here’s the deal – I finally started teaching the “Science of HIV” lecture I made many months ago. So I’ve been catapulted into neighboring villages and communities in order to educate the general population with general facts of HIV, its origins, differing myths and misconceptions, related STDs and STIs, MTCT (mother-to-child-transmission) and anything else they’ve EVER wanted to know. (These Q&A sessions end up being about two hours.)

Class time. There’s Mr. Teacher on the Right.

Myths and Misconceptions. Uh boy…do I ever get questions on these…

Showing a graph of the basic timeline for HIV infection.

EVERYONE Paying attention!!!! Huzzah! Enough to make any education volunteer jealous.

--------------------------------
So those are the main events in my life up to now. Teaching and gardening. It’s actually a pretty simple life. Part of me feels guilty for getting more sleep now than I did when I was four. The other part of me though beats the crap out of that part and then usually decides to go nap. But it IS a simple life…I’m usually more amazed at how stressed you guys are at home than I am here, regardless of the fact I don’t have high-speed DSL/T3 TiVO. Although that would probably make it easier…

Also as its been pointed out – it appears to be that I am unintentionally turning into a hippie. It has also been made clear that my reasons are irrelevant. How Nick is becoming a hippie:

1) I’m learning the guitar. Something to do.
2) I spend my day growing vegetables.
3) I haven’t cut my hair in 10 months. Screw you!
4) The bottoms of my feet are pitch black. You try walking around in sandals in a desert.
5) I spend most of my free time now working out and doing Ashtanga Yoga. Say what you want. I’m becoming more flexible and feel fantastic afterwards.
6) I stopped eating meat. No ethical or moral dilemma, its just I don’t think it tastes very good here, and it’s too expensive. Now my diet’s 90% fruits and veggies.
7) Started listening to Bob Marley, Grateful Dead, and the like. Whatever. Its groovy.
8) I rarely shower. Not my fault – we don’t have any hot water! I’m in a desert and the water in my tap can still give me hypothermia.
9) I’m drinking herbal tea. A lot. I found out Windhoek has a Chinatown that’s like two blocks, so I go to the grocery there and stock up on imported tea.
10) I’ve been in a few drum circles. Cmon, I’m a drummer in Africa. Bite me.

Oh, and for those that may not have been paying attention – I got a new phone. The beauty thing is that I have access to the internet through it, I can check my email and even go onto facebook. Seriously, I’ve checked facebook three times while writing this update. For those that discovered, I can even send mail and messages out. But heres the deal. I’m on a phone. A tiny one. So every character has to be entered manually, and I’m guessing this keypad was made for tiny, malnourished fingers, because it takes me frickin forever to type anything out. So just so you know, If you send me an email, I’ll probably read it within two hours. As for a reply, well – guess my response.

Oh, and to all those that have been bugging me to update when they know I don’t have internet –--------------------------------

so there. take that.

Holy Crap, an update! Trust me, not having internet readily available gets to me more than it’s getting to you. So what’s happened since Italy?

Well, it looks like I’m starting to finally find a niche to fit into – and going with my perseverance I’ve decided to create my own jobs. After some 9 months it looks like I’m going to be giving an HIV education lecture in a village several miles away, called tubsis. I’ll be spending the last week of August there for a five day workshop, with one whole solid day dedicated to my lectures. I’ve been asked to give two sessions, one on HIV and that whole dilemma, and the other on STDs and STIs.

Another project I’ve decided to start is hydroponic gardening. For those that don’t know, that is the science of growing plants without the use of soil. My ultimate goal is to create a garden that has enough variety and yield to be able to create an income generation project for some of the locals, as well as give them something to do. Turns out giving the youths something to do tend to work better at HIV prevention than the same classes and giving them the same facts they’ve heard for years, albeit correct or not. But i need to find more wooden pallets!

I'm trying to turn these...

Into these! so far, two planters constructed. now they just need legs...

We’ve got one more thing to work on – a calendar. There are a very selective group of PCVs which are in a committee called the HIV committee, which do things HIV related. (and by very selective, I mean it selects only those that can sign their name to the roster.) One such thing, is create a calendar of our Namibian photos for fundraising. Out of the 13 or so working on the calendar, yours Truly and another close friend, Natalie, are the only two in the “design” committee. In a nutshell – she and I are in charge of what photos go into the calendar, and how it will ultimately look. This may be due to the fact that we’re the only ones that have and know how to work photoshop. Don’t worry, I’ll let everyone know when we’re done. Because you need to buy one. Have a nice day. J

Ok, jobs and projects done… Let’s move on to fun stuff. First – big purchases. I bought a phone. A new phone. They had the technology, its faster, bigger, stronger. And incredibly cheap. As in, I think some office temp will be fired for selling me an expensive phone for so little. But on my salary, well…of course I kept my mouth shut. I have now have relative access to the internet. I can now on a daily basis check my gmail account, as well as facebook. Sweet! The phone also comes with Sodoku, and even Bluetooth. So once I get my laptop back, I’ll be able to update on a regular basis! I’m very excited. Yay for a new phone, which also btw, just looks sexy. In retrospect, this may be my undoing – now I’m going online whenever im bored. I think this may bankrupt me.

And now onto the really good stuff – visitors! That’s right, there are several future endeavors that which will prove to be incredible. First of all – my parents. Both of my parents (and possibly my brother) are coming to visit for a short period of time in December. Much happiness for me this year for not spending Christmas alone and drinking into a stupor. And after that, friends visit! So far on the travel ledger, I see the names of Karen, Rob, and Andy – all of whom have booked their travel tickets to come to the magical land of Namibia in the beginning of February. Things to do so far include a trip to Victoria Falls, and a trip to Sossevlei (sp?) Oh, and I get to spend Valentine’s Day with my beautiful girlfriend in Namibia. I know, let’s play a game. If you’re jealous, raise your hand. (Pssst. If you don’t raise your hand, you’re going to lose the game.) And we have one more! I’ve made the decision to come home for a short visit next June. I’ve decided to come home in time for Nancy and Andrew’s wedding. Why?

Well, first – they’ve been among my closest friends for the past four years. I would HATE to miss a party as good as that one will be. Second, it’s a wedding. If I’m going to come home, I’d rather have it for a good reason than a bad one. Third, Mama Bear will SURE to have Guinness there waiting for me. Ice cold. Fourth, I get to see people I haven’t seen in damn near forever. Fifth, Guinness will be there. Sixth, Karen needs a date for the wedding. And really - how many women there will have a boyfriend from Afrika there in dreds / braids? Seventh, It gives me a reason to go home and see my family. That warms my heart. And after that? Well, I’ll be coming home in six months – I’m sure after that time will fly.